Stories of success are pretty tough but don't need to be MMK dramatic. In fact, while they are tough and embarrassing, it will be very comical when you look back at it later. 2 Broke girls depicted struggles from poverty.

1. Noticing the differences is an offense to friendships

Most comedy films or TV shows who have interracial casts have light takes on racial jokes in which they are commonly inoffensive.  2 Broke Girls have healthy interracial casts and not only that, they also have a good take on sociopolitical matters on greyscales such as gender fluidity. Max and Caroline have a Korean boss who is always the source of their comic relief at his dispense. A Ukrainian horny chef. An old-age African-American cashier. An extravagant polish entrepreneur friend and a gay Latino as a waiter. The thing is you never know who you will work for and who you end up with. Noticing the differences no matter how you want to be politically correct is offensive itself. You are depriving them of a natural friendship that they need

2. Not because you're poor you have to be cheap

"I'm not a cheap whore, I'm just poor."

-Caroline Channing

Max and Caroline have gone through odd jobs to collect money and made every possible means to produce money, legally. In which it is a miracle they are not drug traders or hookers. Remember that time when they mistook Sophie was running prostitution? The easy money is always seductive if you want out of poverty, but you know what is waiting at the end of bread crumb trails. If you are to be successful, be successful with self-respect.

3. Every corner is an opportunity.

Max and Caroline made a pop-up sale in the bathroom. They chased their way into a party to go after Martha Stewart so she can taste their cupcake. They rented a recently vacated crime scene place to be their own shop. Caroline shoved the cupcake to her Aunt's throat. They discovered a window from storage to be their cupcake store. Opportunity sometimes shies away but sometimes you have to chase it. 

4. Do it, worry about the money later.

Whenever an episode ends, it ends with the cashier ding computing the money they earned in an episode. At times, they even account for having debts on some episodes their savings bloom. You see, even poor people have the right to enjoy things in life. They also sacrifice what is left of them to make something happen even if it is party irrelevant. When Caroline encouraged Max to a pastry school even if they are going to lose their savings and that they didn't have enough money to sustain it. Caroline worked part-time for the school, by the way, to make ends meet. Particularly, there were a lot of instances where money isn't the central element of their lives.

5. You can say mean things to your friend's face but don't when their back is on you.

In season 3, Max was hit by the possible things technology can do to ruin relationships when she accidentally sent "I'm so sick of you" intending to Caroline and not sending it to the entire diner family. Caroline felt betrayed because it was the same thing that her former friends when she was rich, have done to her. Max was apologetic and even threw her phone at the frying fries to prove that she was terribly sorry. 

"I always say terrible things to you, why are you upset about this?"

"Because you say them to my face, Max."

6. The Comfort Room might be the most convenient place to talk about things

Noticeably, a lot of big things happened in a small room. A lot of big breaks happen in a small space. In Season 1, they stalked Martha Stewart to the toilet to endorse their cupcake. A lot of emotional conversation happens when one of the girls drags someone or each other to the bathroom. Han and his mom had an honest talk while passing a joint in the CR. For most people, the Comfort Room is the smallest place on earth where you can be real with yourself.

7. You have to be assertive and mean even if you look uncultured if you are being stepped on

Both Caroline and Max have distinctive flaws that they carry as scars. Caroline's luxurious life was a sham and Max is white trash. 2 broke girls-only shows that not even someone who has a degrading past should be ridiculed, especially if they are making effort to revert to their past lives. The show and the girls teach you to stand up for yourself and for someone like how Max stood up for Caroline even. risking the approval of her boyfriend's parents. They do this while insulting Han.

8. No job is small

The good thing about western culture is that there is always room for development which creates multitudes of jobs and money opportunity schemes no matter how odd they may seem. Caroline and Max applied for a wide range of jobs like being drug test subjects, nannies, a cleaner and even holding official positions. There is no small job. Every legit job is as important as whatever's job is higher in the pyramid.

9. Being poor isn't an excuse not to be charitable. 

You can be charitable and do little things that you may come up with. People who have lesser things are much more generous than people who have too much. This is because of the true power of empathy. They know how it feels like to have less or nothing. In 2 broke girls, they aided people who have less in terms of money or by solely their skills. Also, remember when Caroline convinced a beggar to invest his remaining dollars in their burgeoning company? I don't know, but that doesn't count. Or maybe, who knows?

10. Cut corners of your life so you can fund your dream.

Every choice is a sacrifice, a never-ending one. 

      Since the campaign for elections, the world that the Philippines revolved to gradually became remastered A Clockwork Orange. The elements of the genre have been sewn on the leadership of the new administration. Three of his obsession; Sex, Drugs, and Violence. 

      Seemingly like a macabre gangster movie erupted from the rotting brainwork of President Rodrigo Duterte. If his presidency was a show in the Philippines it would be graded by Rotten Tomatoes in poor reception. It is humiliating and degrading to the honor of the Filipino people. Full of hot lies caught red-handed. 

      The only promise that he kept was, "It will be bloody." In 100 days of Duterte's leadership, he single-handedly (with the help of his mouth) crumbled the small dignity left to the country. 

SEX

                Long before the presidential elections, he was known to be a womanizer and claimed to 'love women'. we didn't know long before that what he meant by that was the women who are submissive to him. The 72-year-old president, a dirty old man, still lives in barbaric ages where women reserve no sociopolitical rights. When he joked about the raped and slain Australian missionary about being entitled to go first of the raping line because he is the mayor. The sheep followers, they are quick to defend as people are quick to judge the presidential candidate. 
      As for them, his ugly remarks were just a joke. A bad one. You know it's like a clown's job to make people laugh but ends up scaring the audience. Since maybe it was never intended to induce humor at all. We should have known better. It should have warned us about the oozing machismo that he will trample women and objectify them.

      He kept picking up fights with women who dare opposes him.

      It didn't end there even when he promised that he will behave his potty mouth if he became president. During a presscon (an activity he quite had a liking to) when he catcalled a GMA reporter while interviewing him, Mariz Tima. Turns out, it was just an expression and not a sexual assault! Which was purely lambasted because he crafted a city ordinance about sexual harassment. The city ordinance copy about gay discrimination and sexual harassment was the one I used for my undergrad thesis. 
      What's more, he called US Ambassador Goldberg gay. When CJ Sereno sent him a formal letter after he name-dropped members of the judiciary, he vowed to destroy her. When it comes to sexism, his mouth will push borders. He slut-shamed De Lima, calling her an adulterer and immoral out of the blue. He kept pushing the idea of De Lima's tryst and even pressuring the senate body to produce the alleged sex video. 
      In which case, a sex video in which De Lima, was allegedly naked totally but forgot to remove her eyeglasses. 
It's all his impulses talking like his brain was transplanted to his wrinkly, smallest brain with a fragile ego. Yep, because how dare this women undermine him, right? Jeezuz Christ, are we this low now? Aguirre, Alvarez, and a few statesmen pressure everyone that the sex video has to be shown like it was a very essential detail of the ongoing case hurled against De Lima. Why are Duterte and his troll army so obsessed with somebody else's sex lives and Duterte's interest in a woman's vagina? There's what we call porn-site you pervs, not porn senate!

DRUGS

      Do you remember chemistry? You break down the chemicals to their basic form. Drugs. Since the vignette of his pre-campaign period, he kept on babbling about ending drugs. Drugs, Drugs, Drugs yadda-yadda-yabadoo-dadda. It's like that's the only problem we are obsessed about. Okay, yes, drugs are the largest problem in the Philippines. Like chemistry, let's break this down. Why is there a widespread of drugs? Because we allow them. How? Some people are willing to be involved in drug activities. Because they feel like selling drugs. No. It's because of the rising unemployment. 
      The nature of the drug problem in the Philippines roots in poverty. Because even if it is dangerous, someone who is desperate to earn money will eat their conscience away and will sell drugs. Duterte fails to see this because he is busy licking his own butt and of china. The problem with his campaign against drugs is overall ineffective. He is shredding the twigs but not uprooting the whole tree. To statistics, more than 3,000 has claimed by death and more than 10,000 have surrendered and swayed by the 'Nanlaban-Kaya-Binaril' trend. But none-- none of any drug lords were convicted.
       Maybe he isn't really an anti-drug advocate but an anti-shabu. Isn't it that shabu is a poor man's cocaine? So he dissolves the impoverished instead. That is probably part of his anti-poverty program, no?  Remember when he name-dropped five PNP generals as narco cops, where are they now? Oh, let's not forget Peter Lim. I heard he was shipped back to China. Is the drug war really successful when all we do is sweep them under the carpet?

VIOLENCE

      When Duterte came to claim the throne, the grim reaper went on a tour roaming around killing drug suspects both allegedly and mistakenly armed with packing tapes and cardboard pieces. His take on "It will be bloody" has had its toll when he enticed the public, giving them permission to wield the law in their own idiot hands. This form they call cleansing is nothing but a panapathanogenic means to bring out evil desires against fellow human beings. Hello, Purge! 

      Violence over the comment sections suddenly erupted thanks to Duterte's antics. It became the Duterte Fans Club's norm to retort opposing parties and individuals, calling them names, threatening them death, and rape. How did a country become frustrated to rid of crime but does not acknowledge peaceful processes as important, too? 

      How can they praise extra-judicial killings involving innocent people yet they call them 'collateral damage? In this irritating case, that the collateral damage caused by the drug war seemingly becomes less valuable than those victims of drug use, addiction and production. Is the innocent life of a 5-year-old claimed as collateral an irrelevance than to a 5-year-old raped and killed by a drug addict?  Does the 5-year deserve to die? All you can hear is "Kill!Kill!Kill!", immortalizing a death metal album and a feeling that we are all in a nightmarish concert by Marilyn Manson. Yeesh.

Human's with a Vagina's apology

We, women, would like to apologize to the world claimed and controlled by men.
We, women, apologize for having menstruations.
That disgusting blob stain behind us that you laugh at. We sincerely apologize for our body cleaning itself, preparing our uterus to deliver mankind.
Sorry, that religious customs believe it is disgusting.
That the dirty, red fluid oozing from our genitals is normal and biological.
We sincerely apologize for our body cleaning itself, preparing our uterus to deliver mankind.
We, women, would like to apologize for having breasts--
--and lack thereof.
That we distract you with it.
That the two masses of fat can't hide.
That our breasts should not function as food to our
babies.
That our breasts' only function is to be ogled by you and it is truly offensive to have them be displayed for a different purpose other than for sexualization. 
We, women, apologize that we have to pass by the street.
That it was our fault we were wolf-whistled at and cat-called.
That we are ingrate of sublingual compliments.
We, women, apologize that we don't remain as housewives, baby-makers, or nuns.
That we also desire the occupation you want.
That we do not stick to stereotypes about job descriptions.
That we do not only intend to be secretaries, nurses, or teachers as 
the stereotypes dictate us.
We, women, apologize for keeping you in the friend zone.
That male-to-female relationship shall never end in friendship.
What if we make friends with you, and you are expecting us to end up in a relationship or otherwise intercourse to compensate for the rejection? 
That every kind gesture you give us should not be taken alone as kindness but a gesture of affection.
That we are blind to choosing another over you.
We, women, apologize for not rewarding you with sex.
That we ignore how nice and kind you are.
That your reward should be sex and not thank you or "you're so kind."
We, women, apologize for being sexually harassed and assaulted.
That we should not wear lewd clothing because we will be harassed or assaulted.
That we should not be wearing clothing that covers our bodies from head to toe because we will be harassed or assaulted.
That we should just forget buying a new bathing suit and throw on our sweaters during a summer trip to the beach.
We, women, apologize for trying to be superior to you. When in actuality, you are just so used to us being inferior for centuries and now so we are stepping up for equality, we actually are claiming superiority. 
We are so sorry that we are so ambitious to have the same equal rights as you are. We should be contented just living in a man's world.
We apologize sincerely to you, men, that you think the world is just revolving around you. 
We apologize that we take what should have been ours. 
We apologize for being created as a woman and you know what? Just suck it up because as long as there are humans with vaginas being born or made, we will never waver.

A Comprehensive Guide To Become A Terribly Annoying, Pretentious Hipster

The 'Smart is the new sexy' is becoming everyone's life philosophy and proof of that is wearing chunky, 20th-century specs. This can be your only chance to save your social life; to become a true blue pseudo-intellectual!

1. WARDROBE CHANGE

Time to open your Oro can box or your dorm wardrobe and start segregating your clothes. To be seen as an intellectual should reflect on your lifestyle. People who dress like a Victorian are a sure-fire way to be intellectually seductive. Throw away those statement shirts and start digging the ukay-ukay box for these:

• Turtleneck shirts (to be worn even if it is summer)
• Coats, Dinner jackets
• Cashmere (to be worn on hot days)
• A big, fluffy large knitted scarf to cover your whole face
• A beanie that will just hang at the back of your useless head
• A coat pocket watch
• Hipster specs that come in square or round shape

Or if not. If the fashion tastes seem mainstream to you with other hipsters, then why not try grabbing your white curtain and wrapping it around your body? Make Socrates your style peg. Though don't point me if the police jail you for public indecency.

2. BE INTERESTED ONLY IN 'SMART TOPICS

As a pseudo-intellectual--I'm sorry. As an intellectual, you should commit to a smarter subject. What's the point of being smart if you don't know shit about anything smart right? Be on the hunt on talking about topics that happy, true intellectual people don't necessarily want to talk about and just want to talk about how to make their own wine. Topics such as Marxism, Politics, Astrology, and Science Facts. Stray from afternoon gossip. Also, hide away when analysis about statistics and logic arises. Debates are red flags because no one negates your knowledge.

Even if some bits of it are not familiar to other people, right? Always regurgitate ideas that clearly not even you understand. When a friend complains about Panadero bakeshop's losing quality taste of bread, talk about philosophies of marketing instead. If your mother complains about a throbbing headache and asks you to buy a mefenamic acid, try to psychoanalyze her saying that what she is feeling is purely somatic. Inject philosophical or psychological topics into mundane conversations. Make sure you could get a pass on it without people hitting on your head. The key is to fake confidence even if you surely don't know what the fuck you are talking about.

3. BE THE SAPIOSEXUAL'S, TRUE LOVE

 Remind to him or her why they were attracted to you at first, pointing out that they are sapiosexuals. Instead of dirty talk,, even more, when you whisper these to their ears; "I'll turn you over like how the communists overthrew capitalism." Hot, isn't it? Or, imitate John Nash from the film Beautiful Mind where his pick-up line to get laid was; "Can we exchange fluids?" The first time he said it, he earned a slap. The second time he said it to Alicia, he earned a kiss, marriage, and lifetime support.

Irritate-- I mean-- heighten the sexual excitement by moaning "Aaaaah-Aristotle!", "Oh-Ohhh-Orwell!", and "Mmmm-Marxism!". By the way, remind them of your opinion about marriage mumbo-jumbo. Consistency is key even in love even if it's a tad cold.

4. MAINSTREAM

Hate everything that is on trend. Be a fucking killjoy that everyone would have the joy to kill you someday. Remember the magic words, "I did/have/been doing that even before it was cool." Pfft, these meek sheep of trend slaves, right? They never know how to be unique.  Your guide here is the shitty quotes about uniqueness and deviation from normal. Hell, even being a human is so mainstream you will choose to be a Cro-Magnon. Speaking about the past, explore trends from yesteryears before they become mainstream again. Nobody's doing the Jazz Era yet and so is the Depression Era, World War 2 era, or the bloody French Revolution if you are feeling like having a side trip to yester-centuries or even yester-eons if you are crazy enough.

5. SKILLS

What is with the pretentiousness without assessing what other skills you have other than your fake confidence? You need to show even for just a slight that you are just no talk. Do some actual effort to know piano keys for a piece of a song then claim you've been playing since you're a child. Do some research about facts about Beethoven, Mozart, or Chopin even if it obviously came from a bogus meme claiming to be a ‘fact'. Give the impression to people that you are familiar with a foreign language by quoting Latin words, French phrases, or local Japanese words as captions.

6. SELF-MEDIA STAGE

What better way to flaunt your pseudo-intellectualism is to put it on the virtual world stage? You can air your complaints about politics on Twitter. With Facebook, share Existentialist Jokes even if you don't get the jokes. On Instagram, make your photos look artsy and a total eyesore by overdoing the filters. If not, the safest filters are grey scales to make it sad but not as sad as your life. Make sure when you type captions or write on that blank, always inject a highfalutin word or any foreign phrase or expression. Create a blog to make yourself feel like the intellectual blog sites you share. Also, be particular about your profile pictures. Make sure your pose looks poignant and pondering. If you opt to copy Rodin's The Thinker, be my guest. Or your favorite philosophers like Camus or Sartre that you've never read who have cigarettes and pipes dangling on their lips.

Habits to Adopt to be a Minimalist Jerk

Because Itty-bitty things bite.

1. Give unsolicited advice

    One of the rules of being an effective listener is holding your tongue for your advice. You can react—laugh, be angry, irritated but never give advice unless asked. However, since we have no better things to say, you will tend to suggest or even compare to slide off a piece of advice. At some point, giving unsolicited advice is sort of a micro-narcissism. Show that you are better at handling their problems than they do.

2. Do not follow your own advice 

         I don’t know who started this funny text quote, “Take my advice, I don’t need it” but it sure is straightforward and hypocritical. By all means, take credit for it. When tipping off advice, do not hold your tongue and tick off the checklist a.) was it asked? b.) If not, stop here. If yes, did you try it? c.)      If no, then why are you still here, and if yes, was it effective? d.) If no then don’t if yes then do give it. Wouldn’t you agree that you are one hell of a first-class jerk if you would give off advice (unsolicited or ask) if even you have no confidence in it? You bet you are. They should be thankful you shared a golden knowledge of yours.

3.   Be way too humble for compliments

     Maybe you’re not used to receiving compliments but if you do you tend to cringe.  Why not? Shrugging it off and saying these golden words,”Hindi naman”,”Ang pangit kaya” is so cute, you’ll be complimented more.

    4.    Reply in an hour interval or more

    So what if even the busiest mother juggles work, dinner, and children’s assignments but still has to squeeze sending e-invites to friends for this weekend’s potluck? How about you? Are you a company executive that spending a nick of your time replying would jeopardize what you’re working for? Sure you are. You are an important person that the other side of the line should anxiously wait for your reply and be terrifyingly excited when your name pops up in their notifications. For brownie points, if they call, just stare at their name flashing on your screen until the call ends.

5.    Showing up at the last minute

    This last-minute spontaneity is much a bum than canceling at the last minute. Or if you want to be a glamorous jerk with a fierce entrance; Agree, Cancel, and then show up in a surprise. Alas! Their sadness fades to joy.

   6.    Fill the tensions with jokes to add more to the tension

    People use sorts of defense mechanisms when faced with anxiety, some even combine two or three. Though when it is time to face the music, rather turn up the volume with

nervous laughter and jokes that aren’t even one. Chuck maturity and hide under your sheets to avoid confrontations all your life.

7.    Forget being thoughtful; Don’t say the magic words

    It doesn’t matter if you were raised right, were in a good educational system, or were raised in the woods away from civility. Although by this time you have learned the appropriate etiquettes as a social person, it doesn’t mean that you have to walk it. Saying Thanks, Sorry, and please? Pfft…Got no time for that, right?

8. Finish people’s sentences

    Isn’t it adorable that you make people think that you are reading their thoughts every time there is a pause to grab from memory what they are about to say? Every gap or pause or even stutter is your cue to fill them in. It’s just like in Singing Bee, easy peasy. You are always right about people’s thoughts and think you failed if they said otherwise.

Stream of Consciousness: Mall Philosophy

            Ang mga mall ay kaharian ng konsumerismo. Mga mall na nagsusulputan sa kahit anong parte ng pinas, sa patag, sa bundok, sa buhol man o kahit sa tabi ng palayan. Ewan ko na lang kung magkaroon ng SM Cruise, isang roro na mall. Baka mapagkamalan mo pang Mall Of Asia floating at the pacific. Kahit sumpain mo pa ng sumpain at pakyuhan ng pakyuhan ang SM dahil sa pangcha-chop-chop nila sa mga puno ng Luneta Hill dito sa Baguio, ang isinumpa mong mall na iyan ay ang pumupuno sa pagitan ng pangangailangan at distansya. Sa distansya, ang ibig kong sabihin ay kapag hindi ka marunong gumamit ng google maps lalo na kapag wala kang kotse at hiwa-hiwalay na shop ang pamimilhan mo. Ngunit iba’t-iba ang hilig ng mga tao, mga ilan na nakakahanap ng ginhawa sa pagtatambay sa mall at kung tawagin ay Mall Therapy. Ang tawag sa kanila ay Mall Rat. Isa itong kanluraning kolokyal na tawag sa mga kabataan ng America na laging namamalagi sa mall. Katulad na lamang ng palabas na Totally Spies o kaya naman ang pelikulang Mean Girls. Metapora marahil ang ‘Mall Rat’ sa mga taong mahilig magpunta sa mall dahil sa katangian ng isang daga na umubos. Oy, wala akong ipinahihiwatig diyan. Nagpapaliwanag lamang ako.

      Sa isang nakababatong hapon ng iyong araw, aircon muna sa mall ang kailangan para maglibang. Bakit nga naman hindi? Kung nag-aantay ka ng klase o ayaw mo munang umuwi at nais mo munang magsenti. Bakit nga ba sa mall pa at hindi na lang sa Burnham Park o para mas sosyal, sa Camp John Hay? O kaya naman para feel na feel mo ang Baguio, Mines View o PMA? Bakit hindi? May mall music, mga amoy ng bagong gamit at higit sa lahat ligtas ka sa kakaamoy ng carbon. Sa Baguio, hindi ka maglalakad papuntang mall, mag-hahike ka sa tuktok ng SM. Baka nga mas maganda kung baguhin na lamang ang ibig sabihin ng SM at gawing Store Mountain. Sa pagtaas mo, makakasalubong ka ng sari-saring nanggaling sa mall:

1.  Mga mag-aaral na babae na may EB o Careline perfumes. Uuwi na nga lang ampupula pa ng labi--ay oo nga, make-up trial.
2. Mga mag-aaral na lalake na nakikipagdaldalan sa isa't-isa na may kakaibang pitch sa boses dahil siguro hindi pa dinadalaw ng puberty. Mga kaboses ni Atty. Niel Tupas Jr. (See Corona Impeachment)
3. Magsyota na walang ibang maisip na pagdedeyt-an kundi sa mall, kasama ang girlfriend na medyo disappointed. Hinila-hila kasi si boyfriend sa bawat tindahan at wari ba'y nagpaparamdam na ibilhan siya nito at niya.
4. Mga nanay na working class na may bitbit na JCo o Krispy Kreme o kung hindi naman ay mga balot ng grocery.
5. Mga Millenial Tita na may bitbit na Surplus bag o mga hip na clothing store. Plus points kung Bench o Penshoppe.
6. Mga ilang puma-fashionista na mga kabataan na sigurado kang sinadya na naman ang veranda para magphotoshoot
7. Mga turistang nagSM na lang dahil naliligaw sa mga pupuntahan sa Baguio. Tinamad na rin dahil pahirapan na ngang kumuha ng taxi, nakakapagod pa ang taas-babang mga kalsada sa Baguio. 

      Habang papalapit ka sa taxi lane at palapit na sa fruit stand, nagpapalit ang amoy ng usok mula sa sasakyan at sariwang amoy ng wari'y kalikasan dahil sa prutas at sa orchidarium. Nasa pilahan ka na paloob at kahit mahaba ay para ka rin lang papasok dahil gumagalaw ang pila. Nasa likod mo ang mga patpating koreano. Paglakad mo habang kinakapkapan at hinihipuan ng mga tamad na gwardiya ay bahagya kang nakiliti kay ate. 'Uy huwag diyan.' Pagpasok mo, medyo maligamgam ang paligid. Amoy kusina, amoy ref. Wala pa 'yan sa amoy ng kusina at ref ninyo. Direstso titig mo sa daanan pero lahat kita mo. Kita mo mga tao, kung di mo kasabay ay kasalubong o kaya ay nakatambay sa hilera ng Jollibee o Big City. Magkakasama sila samantalang ikaw nag-iisa.Iniisip mo, bakit nandito ka na naman. Wala ka namang sasadyain dito.  "So what? Bakit i-iinterrogate ba ako kung bakit ako nandito?" 

      Pasok ka ng Surplus, iniisip mo na may mura kang mabibili doon. Sabagay, ang Surplus ay may tagline na "fashion for less". Kaloka. Mukhang medyo matapobre ang SM, ah. "Fashion for less", parang ganito ang konotasyon: "Hindi mo kailangang bumili ng mahal sa mga mamahaling tindahan namin para panindigan ang pagiging social climber mo". Surplus nga naman ay parang wagwag, para sa mga estudyanteng kolehiyong katulad mo na asa sa baon pero gustong maging ismarte. Para sa katulad mo na entry-level ang sahod, pero kupas na mga damit mo at kailangan mo magtira para sa sunod na inuman. Para sa katulad mo na medyo thunders na pero feeling millennial ka at hindi mo matanggap na ang edad mo ay malayo sa edad ng mga true and certified millenial. Para sa katulad mo na teka hindi ko alam kung sino ka o ano ka, basta para sayo. 

Umalis ka na at tinantiya mo na kinse-minuto ang tinagal mo sa loob. "Fashion for the less" daw, eh papaano kung nagsale pa ang Surplus, "Fashion for the mas poor pa sa less"? Pumasok ka na sa sa may foodcourt, sari ang amoy ng umami, matamis, maasim, oregano, tinapay, tsokolate, tomato sauce at oo, kahit amoy ng manga. Sakto din dahil sa Atrium may attraction ng kung anu-ano. At syempre, mawawala ba ang mga ateng na nagpapapicture kasama ang mga maaasim na mukha ng mga bata na gusto ng maglaro doon sa quantum o playground sa may pond. "Smile, baby! Tingin dito. Ay, Sige ka, walang Jollibee." Mga ilang kuha lang instant profile picture o cover photo na. 

      Umalis ka na at nakita mo ang booksale sa kabila. Para sa 3 by 5 na tindahan, parang marami nang tao ang lima, pero okay lang. Una kang tumingin sa mga bestseller pero hindi mo trip dahil mga pinandidirihan mong Twilight at Fifty Shades of Grey. Tingin-tingin ka rin sa magazines. Pagkatapos sa mga soft bound. Wala ka rin trip kasi mga technical, mga diskurso sa pinansyal, negosyo at kung anu-ano pa. Gusto mo yung parang philosophical, mga rare books ni Kafka o kaya Orwell dahil pretensyosong hipster ka. Lakad din palapit sa mga hardbound. Hindi mo rin trip, Move-on sa mga pocket books na puro Daniel Steele. Inisa-isa mo mga libro pero ang sakit na ng leeg mo kakatangad. Tingin-tingin ka rin sa mga nagpatong-patong na libro, 'yung mga tigbebente hanggang singkwenta. Inikot mo na ang booksale hanggang sa coffee table books, napatagal ka doon kakatingin ng mga larawan at umalis ka na rin.

Pagtaas mo sa siksikang elevator, kaharap mo ang magsyotang naglalampungan na gustong-gusto mong tusukin sa pwet dahil wari mo’y mga kiti-kiti.

Girl: “Ihh, wag, ah! Hihi.”

Boy: “Isang kiss lang, eto naman.Please.”

Girl: “Ihh. Dami tao, mamaya na.”

Bwisit.

      At sa likod ay mga koreana na kahit siguro sako lang ang ipasuot mo ay maganda pa rin sa kanila. Nakarating ka na sa second floor sa may main entrance at amoy na amoy mo ang mala-butter na amoy ng Bread Talk. Naalala mo tuloy noong bumili ka ng Garlic Egg Bread na kasing presyo ng Valley Loaf Bread at kasabay mo ay akala mo naman bumibili lang sa Danes na di alintana ang presyo. Hay, buhay credit card.

      Ito minsan ang ayaw mo kapag mag-isa kang nagmomalling, ‘yung may makakasalubong ka na kakilala na may mga kasama. Minsan kahit nagso-strolling ka lang naman talaga, ayaw mong aminin. Ayaw mong magmukhang tanga at parang kawawa, isang nilalang na sa mall lang nakakahanap ng kaligayahan na kahit hanggang tingin at amoy lang. Ayaw mong aminin na minsan ay ganoon kababaw ang kaligayahan mo.

“Uy, tol, gawa mo dito?”

“Uy, musta, uhmm, ano, kwan, sa NBS bili ng gagamiting supply. Ikaw ngay?”

“Ah, wala, strolling lang kasama sila.” Turo sa mga kasama niya na hindi mo kilala at nag-iisip kung ngingitian mo o kunwari malabo na lang mata mo.

“Ay okay, sige punta na ‘ko, tol.”

“Sige, tol.”

O ayan, may dagdag kasalanan ka na naman sa araw na ito. Bakit ba ang hirap aminin na nagso-stroll ka lang din mag-isa sa mall kahit na hindi umuulan? Bakit?! Bakiiiiiiiit?!?!

      Kung saan-saang shop ka na nakarating at may mga ilan na rin lumalapit sa iyo na mga nakabusiness casual. Iyong mga nagtatanong kung nasa beinte uno pataas ka na at kung meron ka ng credit card o ano ang bank account mo. “Hindi ako mag-ooffer.” Hindi mo rin gets at hindi mo rin natatanong kung para saan ang ginagawa nila. Survey ba? O kaya naman wala lang, pang-identity theft, ganoon?

Kakaiba rin ang trabaho ng mga tao, ano? Dati ay nakakahon lang tayo sa kaalaman na mga sampung Job Titles lang ang alam nating trabaho ng bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo. Abogado, Duktor, Drayber, Sekretarya, Inhinyero, Negosyante, Kolektor sa Jueteng at kung anu-ano pa. Ngunit kung didiskubrihin mo ang mundo ng working class, mapapasabi ka rin ng “There are million and million possible combinations.” Isang linya sa pelikulang Imitation Game. Noong nakaraan lamang na pagbukas mo ng classified ads ng Midland ay mga kakaiba sa nakaalaman na mga trabaho. Kunwari na lamang ay iyong ‘HIRING: Mystery Shopper’. Wow, mehn,meh ganern.

Astig siguro ang trabahong iyon, hindi ba? Ayon sa description ay parang eavesdropping ang task ng empleyadong ito. Makikinig sa mga komento at lait ng mga customer sa tindahan.  Kaya huwag na kayo magtaka kung walang silbi ang comments and suggestions box. Meron na pala, may buhay, humihinga at naglalakad pa nga, eh. Ayos iyon, ano? Para ka palang secret agent! Kunsabagay, ay ang panganganak ng mga ganitong trabaho ay resulta ng buhay pa naman na ekonomiya at siyempre sa desperadong pamumuhay na ito.

     Nang maikot-ikot mo na ay binibilang mo ang mga tindahan na nagtranscend through times (kahit isang dekada lang naman) simula noong ipinatayo ang SM. Isang paghanga mo rin na sa panahon ng Spotify, download at pagpipirata ay nandoon pa rin ang Astroplus. Oo, dito ka nangangalkal ng mga album ng mga paborito mong banda. Syempre, badtrip ka rin minsan dahil tatlong daan ang album pero tatlong kanta lang ang laging nagagasgas sa stereo o Walkman mo. Umikot ka rin sa may Cyberzone, pero anak ng tokwa, titingin ka lang naman karabuntot ng sales talk ang mga attendants na parang nagrerecite ng minemorize na speech sa harap ng klase. Halata rin ang mga bago lalo kapag laging tumitingin sa taas para maalala ulit ang minemorize na features ng gadget.

       Magdidilim na at bahagya ka rin na gutom. Snacks lang pauwe, solb ka na. Pumasok ka sa fastfood na sumakop sa buong session road. Snacks lang, iyong mamutik-mutik nilang Yum Burger. Okay lang kahit walang post-it. “Willing to wait?” tanong ng kahera. Tango ka kahit sa loob-loob mo, “Willing to wait? Tignan mo naman mukha ko pilipit na sa gutom at ang tiyan ko na nagmemetal rock na sa loob, willing to wait? Mukha ba akong willing? Bakit, may choice pa ba ako? Bakit hindi na lang, please wait at hindi willing? Dahil kung tatanungin mo ako ng ‘willing to wait’ at totoong sagot ang hihingin mo ay ‘Hindi Maaari!’”

        Ilang minute ay dahan-dahan mo ng inuubos ang pagkain mo. Hinay-hinay lang dahil mahirap mabilaukan sa kalsada. Umalis ka na sa imperyo ng delikadong kombinasyon ng konsumerismo at kapitalismo dala lamang ng pagtatanggi na isa ka rin sa biktima at salarin nito. Ang pansamantalang ligaya ng pagiging daga.

Precious Hearts Romance presents: Ang Sumpa Sa Aking Pagkabata

PHR is the Philippines' favorite pocketbook novel that monopolized a single aisle in the National Bookstore.  I suggest that the aisle ‘ROMANCE’ should be changed to Precious Hearts Romance Section. Even before the hipper version of it which was Watt pad, I've been fond of bastardizing these pocketbook novels next to my favorites like Twilight. This is not because I nauseate at the lovey-dovey plots (sort of) but because the novels reflect a negative disposition on the gender dynamics. In which case, my latter reason is just, well, a palusot.

Although, I have always found PHR a perfect sugar treat that I have to invest my bitterness on. Filipinos are notoriously famous for being romance-centric. Most products of our arts are founded on romantic stories. Our culture is obsessed with a love story of two people stretched to the hyperboles of realities just to prove the point of our adage, ‘Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, sa simbahan din pala ang tuloy’.  This could be changed to ‘Sa hinaba-haba ng mga pa-suspense plots nyo, sila rin naman pala’.  

The last time that I went to the National Bookstore and let my nephew collect the materials he needs, my bibliophile instinct occurred and one of it is skimming through the PHR section. The titles of course, as cheesy as always, would initially give a cringe. The French can claim all they want about the romantic emphasis of their language, but the Tagalog language is always intriguing, especially when using fancy terms.

For that, ‘Sa Gabing Naging Akin Ka’ is much of a deep thought than when translated to English; ‘The Night You Were Mine.’ Or to a cooler interpretation say, ‘Noong Binaba Mo Ang Bandera Mo’.  Intriguing titles like ‘Patikim ng Pinya’ and ‘May Lamok sa Loob ng Kulambo’ in movies that got your mind whirring about what the movie plot would be. In time, you realized that neither pineapple nor a mosquito net was involved in the movie. More so, punchline titles like “May Hihigit Pa Ba Sa Pagmamahal mo, Alejandro Bakuykuy?” were hit during the ‘90s and early 2000s. Book Covers are one thing ranging from lovey-dovey portraits to the extravagant portrait poses of the presumed characters. The ‘70s to ‘90s are more ridiculously sensual. It is often composed of the greased Fabio Lanzoni-esque while holding a hot señorita in a satin dress, barely covered. With the intriguing titles and titillating book covers, it does make you cringe.

Today, the covers have parodied known international celebrities’ images painted as portraits on the book covers. More like internet avatars.

Truth be told, I’ve been reading these pocketbooks that I was averse to when I was about 6 or younger. These are next to my reading list of Winnie the Pooh, Nursery Rhymes, and Liwanag Comic books. To quickly defend me, it wasn’t my choice—I have no choice! When I was at that age, most of my sisters were single and almost in their thirties. One of my hopeless romantic sisters taught me how to read and exposed me to their wonderland of PHR collection, unsupervised. PHR kept me captive through inevitable times. These times were when we visit provinces and it just happens that PHR collections are also present in the house. So before we set out of town, I would just grab a textbook or that tome of Webster’s dictionary. It was my fantasized agenda to engorge their children to poorly written Watt pad stories as revenge but I didn’t need to.

Since textbooks like Shop Theory or Communicable Diseases will grant me a hemorrhage and newspapers are just the same stories I hear on the TV and radio, a six-year-old like me would read literature that is currently accessible to her vocabulary knowledge. 

My father was a voracious newspaper reader. He reads two spreadsheets and one English tabloid (Tempo) in a day. Rarely did I see him occupied with a book. With my family’s utter disregard for my literary needs, I am left with the most complex absurdities of elongated sexual tensions under a guise of a romantic novel. Finally, my sisters got married. The supply of these pocketbooks was cut off. Simultaneously, my transfer to St. Louis Center was a big help to encourage and widen my literary interests.

During High School, in all three of the schools I stayed at, my literary tastes expanded thanks to my classmates, excluding the mandatory reading lists provided by English and Filipino teachers. Even then, I still have not escaped even a single PHR. It is still widely read by girls and gays during lectures placed before their notebooks while fishing out their cellphones.

Another truth about me; I read one whenever I chanced upon it. Not for the kind of pleasure that I find when I read my favorites but the kind of cringe-worthy pleasure whenever I read the storylines:

          “Mapapalambot kaya ni Beshtina ang matigas na puso ni Craig?”

                     “Nagbalik si Brittany mula States nang mamatay ang kaibigan nitong si

                       Tracy  at para maghiganti kay Color Monterano.”

I always point out the things that are wrong and ridiculous in the story. Also, the exaggerated gender roles in a romance story and that mumbo-jumbo about a Christian Grey-Esque leading man personality.

And of course, the quirky contents;

“’Selos ka?’ panunukso ng isang bahagi ng isip niya. ‘Tumahimik ka!’ asik naman niya sa sarili. Naloloka na ata talaga siya."

I find pleasure in criticizing it like how Bob Ong came about with his book Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin. Yes, I read one some of the time just to furrow my eyebrows and complain about it then laughs at it later.

When I skim through the contents, I feel like I am reading the author’s wet dream diary.

For a lack of a better word to explain that thrill, it’s like poking fun at things that you don’t appreciate because it is lighter to make fun of it than lose your energy hating it. We hate our politicians but we make fun of them through satire.

Honestly, I feel bad for people who get judged by their reading preferences. I am guilty of it, too, whenever I insult people who read these materials as shallow. If what you eat is what you are making a striking truth to an eater's health, it applies the same to reading. I may agree but at the same time argue that what you read reflects your intellect. I agree since our preferences for feeding our souls and bodies would delineate what sort of thinkers we are. In argument, the books that we choose to read do not measure if we are smart or not. It is an unfair assumption that we assess people's creativity and ability on the type of materials they read.

A book is not a predisposition to your perspective or even intellect but a log of readings might.

We can read as much material as we want, but we choose the ones that influence us, some unintentionally by impact. The influence of a book on a person’s mind, behavior, or beliefs is complex. I don’t believe that books make us smarter or dumber, it only collects ample information that we thread to our knowledge and store in our memories. Memories that we only use for our own biases. Pretentious millennial hipsters can read all the Sartre, Nietzsche, Jung, or Freud books but they will only get better at complaining about how society sucks. Unlike movies, there aren't dumb books whether published by PHR, PSICOM, or Visprint. When your eyes run through the text, it tickles a nerve.

 As I started, my sisters are fan readers of these but they're not dumbed down. They have college degrees with good careers and read gossip magazines. Reading PHR is the only source of kilig they can pluck from since they are pushing 30s or 40s with no husbands. It’s like reading an FHM to masturbate to but does not necessarily translate that you're a pervert or sexually frustrated. We all have our personal junk foods. My literary junk food is different and quasi-inhumane, but it does not reflect either my morals or behavior. Though it feeds how I perceive a few aspects. After all, isn’t that the purpose of it? I wonder at most why nobody reads PHR in Starbucks or at any café. Could you imagine yourself reading PHR presents: Ang magmahal ay di biro, maghapong nanggugulo in a sea of John Green's? You'd probably raise every eyebrow in a room of these hypocrites in dissent. I always find myself blaming the hipsters for this faux intellectualism. In the question of intellectualism, of course, we have the freedom to read whatever reads we want, but what is there left for critical thinking? If we would always reason out 'trip ko, eh' on poor choices, what is there left to development? Also, not everyone gives a fuck about critical thinking when you are being subjected to think critically to survive. 

Read whatever you want that can entertain you and read those that will make you think. 

 NOW READING: PHR presents: My Bebe Kulit (This is a real title, not kidding)