Habits to Adopt to be a Minimalist Jerk

Because Itty-bitty things bite.

1. Give unsolicited advice

    One of the rules of being an effective listener is holding your tongue for your advice. You can react—laugh, be angry, irritated but never give advice unless asked. However, since we have no better things to say, you will tend to suggest or even compare to slide off a piece of advice. At some point, giving unsolicited advice is sort of a micro-narcissism. Show that you are better at handling their problems than they do.

2. Do not follow your own advice 

         I don’t know who started this funny text quote, “Take my advice, I don’t need it” but it sure is straightforward and hypocritical. By all means, take credit for it. When tipping off advice, do not hold your tongue and tick off the checklist a.) was it asked? b.) If not, stop here. If yes, did you try it? c.)      If no, then why are you still here, and if yes, was it effective? d.) If no then don’t if yes then do give it. Wouldn’t you agree that you are one hell of a first-class jerk if you would give off advice (unsolicited or ask) if even you have no confidence in it? You bet you are. They should be thankful you shared a golden knowledge of yours.

3.   Be way too humble for compliments

     Maybe you’re not used to receiving compliments but if you do you tend to cringe.  Why not? Shrugging it off and saying these golden words,”Hindi naman”,”Ang pangit kaya” is so cute, you’ll be complimented more.

    4.    Reply in an hour interval or more

    So what if even the busiest mother juggles work, dinner, and children’s assignments but still has to squeeze sending e-invites to friends for this weekend’s potluck? How about you? Are you a company executive that spending a nick of your time replying would jeopardize what you’re working for? Sure you are. You are an important person that the other side of the line should anxiously wait for your reply and be terrifyingly excited when your name pops up in their notifications. For brownie points, if they call, just stare at their name flashing on your screen until the call ends.

5.    Showing up at the last minute

    This last-minute spontaneity is much a bum than canceling at the last minute. Or if you want to be a glamorous jerk with a fierce entrance; Agree, Cancel, and then show up in a surprise. Alas! Their sadness fades to joy.

   6.    Fill the tensions with jokes to add more to the tension

    People use sorts of defense mechanisms when faced with anxiety, some even combine two or three. Though when it is time to face the music, rather turn up the volume with

nervous laughter and jokes that aren’t even one. Chuck maturity and hide under your sheets to avoid confrontations all your life.

7.    Forget being thoughtful; Don’t say the magic words

    It doesn’t matter if you were raised right, were in a good educational system, or were raised in the woods away from civility. Although by this time you have learned the appropriate etiquettes as a social person, it doesn’t mean that you have to walk it. Saying Thanks, Sorry, and please? Pfft…Got no time for that, right?

8. Finish people’s sentences

    Isn’t it adorable that you make people think that you are reading their thoughts every time there is a pause to grab from memory what they are about to say? Every gap or pause or even stutter is your cue to fill them in. It’s just like in Singing Bee, easy peasy. You are always right about people’s thoughts and think you failed if they said otherwise.