People I will surely miss from College

It will be a long month wait and two weeks before I can be a fully pledged unemployed citizen of this country, wearing the pride of a BS Psychology degree holder. After certainty of my pushed-through graduation which was twice delayed, I am feeling a dose of nostalgia about my college life since 2012. The freshman day (which I never attended), the fat,thick readings, the scent of sweats and the dying of dreams, I will miss them all. College life, and all phases of education, will never be complete off course without the people you revolved to in the university. As much as I love to say goodbye, these people will surely have a tiny place to stay in my cold,weary heart.

1. That Blockmate Who Always Comes Late.

I think that's me. But that other me is someone you can depend on when you need an escort to enter the room during a lecture. So when you enter the class you have someone to share that judgy stares from your classmates with. Better have a conversation with him because it may be a coincidence that both of you wake up at the same time together, shower at the same time and hell has the same time span travelling from home to school.

2. That Nice,Single And Old Librarian

Why are librarians painted as cat ladies who are expected to act based on their menopausal behavior phase. There are librarians who could afford you time looking for that research work for your research work. Most librarians in college libraries are student assistants, so likely, they are the most people in college I will miss. It's their everyday mission with no resentment to take a quest finding that rare, almost extinct tome for your prehistoric cult psychology topic. When they do, you'd love to give them a venti coffee latte with a card and a kissmark on it. Not just that, by face that they are familiar, they have a log of the book titles suited for your your references.

3. That Intelligent Classmate Who Helps You Out And Lends Their Notes And Answers

They are  a rare, god-given gem who you shouldn't be abusing because he will probably give you a job offer after college...as a housemaid. This angel doesn't care about glory, not narcissistic and among the 1% in the world who are selfless enough to share a great part of themselves to sleazy, leeching students.

4. That Party Animal Who Could Drag You Past The Bouncer

We all have that one friend who knows the underbelly of the night life. This college friend is your party google; where and when the free drinks flow, the satisfying happy hour. Your friend is the heart beat of the clubs. Weekends and school holidays are always exciting if you stick to the right animal.

5. That Seriously Moronic But Funny Block-mate

If Humor 101 and Advance Sarcasm were subjects, he'll be a university scholar. This friend is the haven of knee-slapping jokes anytime when you are about to drool on your face during a boring lecture on Roman Politics. This friend is cool and au naturel on being jocular. Whatever situation he is, your friend can snap a witty remark in a pulse. Admit it, that's always what every class needs..a gang of them.

6. That Seriously Nerdy Friend Who Speaks Like A Politician

Whenever this person speaks, his voice shakes like Joseph Goebbels. Very theatrical and we need that kind of excitement on speeches in every class. In which in the future, by the way, will escalate to lies when he enters politics or law.

7. That Foreigner Or Half-breed Blockmate Who You Should Have Paid English Class Fees To

Whether you are Oxford dictionary fluent in English or in basic carabao english, he's not interested as long as he knows he is not alone. In which way, he has no choice because the english language is his only conduit to the locals of the country. He doesn't care about the grammar because if he does he will lose filipino friends. As a foreigner in the class, being a loner with no one to talk to is dreading.

8. That Unexpectedly Bourgeoise Classmate Who Looks Like A Homeless Person

In college, life surprises you like with your barefoot stepping on a lego block. This person is humble and not just humble-bragging, I mean the down to earth kind of person and you know he is not pretentious about looking like a hippie on the street with an iPhone. He can sway from the bourgeois neighborhood to the working class and even to the impoverished as he pleases and remains neutral but empathetic.

9. That Surrogate Parent Who Adopted You In Class

There is one or a few throughout your college life. She is either the mother at 20 who have a four-year old kid or the aged one who came back to school after years of hiatus. Of course, as the archetype of the mother, being the caring,affectionate and wise figure in the classroom or bisyo setting, you would want her as a parent even for just a day.She or he was destined to go back to school, swallow the uneasiness of being the 'older' figure just so college kids will be schooled about mistakes. And also sex education.

10. That Couple Who Graduated Together

The major #RelationshipGoals in where you were the nauseous witness of their blossoming love. They met in class, they started flirting, they got together. The lovebirds thought it wasn't serious then it become one amor loco. Sometimes, their love story is even more trendy than the young adult telenovela involving the hottest--ehkmforsched-- love tandem. During the years of college, you would wonder 'would they ever get pregnant'. Yep--because you can smell the,uhmm, say, pheromones on human. One of them or mutually made a good effect on each other on their education, social lives, behavior and eventually to their future. However, they are just so adorable together you wonder if a 10-year reunion later would they still show up together in each other's arms.

11. That Right Kind of Bad Influence 

That person for no matter how much you refused to smoke and drink, you'll find yourself smoking or drinking while saying no. Though, sometimes, you gotta admit, this friend is the right person for the bad time of your life. The resistance isn't enough but you think you need it but it is the otherwise, actually. You need the vice, your friend need the person. Then you remember the between breaks to the stupid acts and meaningful conversations you've had while under influence.
I will miss avoiding this person. Period.

9 responses if you don't want to admit you're shredding fats

"Uy,pumapayat ka. Nagdye-dyeta ka?"
Paano ka magrerespond pero ayaw mong aminin na umeffort ka  magpapayat?

1. Hormones, teh.

Ikot-ikutin mo lang sa syensya like yung dahil tumatanda ka na at abnormal yung thyroid mo kaya bumibilis yung metabolism mo.

2. Tumatangkad po kasi ako kaya yung extra fats ko nacoconvert sa height.

10 pounds ng taba is convertible sa 1 cm kaya hindi kita ang pagtangkad.

3. Stressed sa work/school.

Say it with a faint breath *sigh*

4. May sakit po kasi ako.

Don't mention the illness. Respeto sa mga pumapayat dahil sa cancer o diabetes.

5. Sa damit lang yan.

Iwasan ang bright and printed colors.

6. Vegan na po kasi ako, you know, for the animals.

Para kunwari din may care ka sa environment. Pero siyempre,hindi ka nila yayayaing kumain kasi alam nilang choosy ka.

7. Nagsawa na kasi ako sa overeating na hobby ko kaya overjogging naman ngayon.

8. Anorexia and Bulimia is a new fad diet...

...noong 1960, gusto ko kasing I-feel how it feels like to be anorexic and bulimic. You, know, empathy.

9. Actually, prosthetic make-up lang 'yung taba ko. 

Para malaman ko true love ko na kebs sa size. Since hindi na effective, shed  the prosthetics.

15 fashion and style trends that should stop

Fashion over Function? Just stop, guys, please.

1. The crop top.

Okay, the grunge era was cool because it was sensible. The comeback however lost the common sense of people when it comes to functionality. The crop top and a lose cover-up doesn't make sense and let's rule out about the changing climate in the country. Why? You got a cardigan so I assume you feel cold but you are also wearing a crop top which means your midriff isn't cold. Kabagin ka sana!

2. The Timberlands on girls.

If you are not lumberjacks, miners and hikers, stop wearing these shoes. There are exceptions when it comes to borrowed-from-the-boys style.

3. People with good eyesight wearing thick double-rimmed glasses

How would you react if I wear a leg brace even if I have no leg injury because it is fashionable. People who grew up with their glasses are familiar with the struggle of a poor eyesight. Now this generation irritated me for making glasses a fashion trend like they are celebrating eye defects! It doesn't make you look bookish or studious, it just promoted your stupidity.

4. Jogger pants 

Another portmanteau involving jeans that became insanely trendy after the jeggings. It's a pants made out of denim to make you look more sporty and active but you cannot use those pants for jogging. Also you are not a sporty person.

5. Herschel square pack.

It's like an attaché case with a back strap.

6. High-waist jeans worn with a crop top

The high-waist jeans emphasizes that you have a bum behind you or lack thereof. It looks absolutely gorgeous when tucked in but is terribly stupid when worn with a crop top. If you wanted to cover your midriff you could have opted for a longer shirt so you won't keep pulling up your jeans!

7.  Pekpek shorts

It's nothing but just an underwear made of denims...with a belt.

8. Beanie on a humid day

Shouldn't you have used a cap or wide-brimmed hat?

9. Leggings as trousers

I don't know what is worst; a girl walking on the street wearing a bikini or a girl using leggings as trousers because they look like both. They are just utterly disgusting of you don't cover your trunk with a longer cover up or top. Or did you wear that to emphasize that you are not cross-dressing gay because of the presence of a V-line and a camel toe?

10. Batok Tattoo

As an Igorot, I find it disrespecting that customers of Apo Whang-od (whom they couldn't even spell her name properly as they based it from the sound (Fang-od) acquires a batok tattoo because it looks cool on them without having prior knowledge of what it meant to our ancestors.

11. Religious symbols like a mandala or the Hinduism's Om

They are printed on your shirt, as a tattoo or worn as earrings. Should I wear a hijab just for the heck of it?

12. Long-sleeved body-con short dress

You did cover your arms but you forgot an inch more to cover your ass when bending down.

13. Rave outfits

EDM, Swag and the YOLO factor. You all look like you come straight out from Jersey Shore.

14. The white shoes

I would appreciate white shoes--on a nurse's uniform. They look ridiculous on any casual or even formal wear because it looks like you are wearing white socks.

15. Hapit men's clothes

If women's nipples shouldn't be traced from their clothes, why should men's not? 

Watch These Movies While You Dream Your House

Envy is not necessarily a sin, but your other version of feeling inspired.

1. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Millenium Trilogy,2009)

The film tackles the personal and working relationship between Mikael Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) as they take down misogynist murderers, traffickers and bust the greatest conspiracy in Sweden's history.

Most of their investigations and researches are refused to be done in a mute, boring offices but to their swanky apartments and to a zesty cabin. Don't ever missed that scene where Lisbeth was installing and assembling IKEA furniture for her new flat.

Green-eyeing pieces: White Walls (The perfect decor to murder someone). The zesty and socality of the cabins and villas of the Vangers. The majestic view overlooking to the ocean from Lisbeth's swanky new apartment.

2. What's your number (2011)

Ally (Anna Faris) stops whoring around after she learned from a magazine that women who sleeps with more than 10 men will never get married but is not panicked by the fact that she is eligible for a venereal disease. For that, Ally's apartment is really special as it is the place of her romance. Set in Brooklyn where there is a high concentration of hipsters and bricked walls, the whole apartment of Ally is truly an eye-candy to people with artistic touch.

Green-eyeing pieces: Lamp shades.The figurines crafted by Ally. Two Words: Brick Walls.

3. Gone Girl (2014)

The ultimate Girl-power film who keeps the victory and revenge all to herself.

Why is it that thrillers and horror movies have really, really immaculate homes with white and seemingly cold walls? Like, if you will commit a murder, the blood has to be strikingly red against a white wall to make it grim.

Green-eyeing Pieces: The Kitchen. Those Tech everywhere around the house.

4. Honor Thy Father (2015)

After John Lloyd Cruz's romantic movie, Second Chance, JLC transitioned from the sobbing romantic cute-face to a tough and ruthless father. His chubby matinee face won't get you fooled. Also, this film is one of the few controversial movies to date that was rejected by the MM-fucking-DA. Set in the ironic gloom and chill of Baguio City (My Home Town where it is experiencing climate-change), it shows around the gritty blue-collar and white-collar crimes to save their family.

Green-eyeing Pieces: The Tribal Artifacts. The Rugs. The wood tables.

5. Boy Golden: Shoot To Kill, The Arturo Story (2011)

The slow reemergence of a Filipino film cult in the early 2010s started with E.R. Ejercito as the iconic action film packed with the Filipino action stereotypes: Revenge, Materiales Fuertes Villain, A maniacally laughing mob and a bombshell dancer who have never held a gun in her life but shot a goon to death. Set in the 1950s, this movie simulated the  colonial mentality of Filipinos especially adapting the American style and culture. Though, it still left the touch of traditional Filipino housing (Hispanic designs, still colonial).

Green-eyeing Pieces: Pastel colors. Art deco

7. Les Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain (2001)

A famous and successful French film starring the lovely Audrey Tatou as Amelie Polain who is the personification of karma. This movie can be drawn inspiration for every slice of your life like orgasm from dipping your hand in sack of beans or cracking the crust of a creme brûlée than from sex. Or, an inspiration of the little things that you can do good for other people and to spark a little fun and hope in their lives. Since this is set in France, art and style is more likely drawn for inspiration from this movie. 

Green-eyeing Pieces: Amelie's Bedroom. Animal-themed art. Gorgeous perfume bottles.

An ode to the 16 year-old stream consciousness of Elley Sapling

For when I thought I already knew what life is, I realized I was dumb. The concept of 'Young,Wild and Free' that I heard in a popular song was not my forte but it was something that secretly wished my life was. It never happened. I still dread the day that I could be like my classmates; Extrovert, Adventurous, Skinny, Attractive and amazingly witty. I wasn't. I repeatedly say that I am not in that thing, but I secretly want to be others. I want to be like my friends. I couldn't compete to them nor could I join them, so I left. I felt sorry for myself, felt unwanted and even fear that I might ruin my friendship with others because I was jealous of who they are. In that decision alone, I felt a hollow in my heart, I was lonely again like what I felt when I was bullied during my 1st year of high school. I am graduating this year, leaving high school with the ambiguous feeling. At this time around, I busied myself haggling on universities and colleges. In my diary, I kept a list of course that I want. The problem being is that, I don't have the IQ of a rocket scientist nor the creative power of a struggling artist. The only thing I knew I was good at was communication like speaking and writing. So I figured that Literature or Mass Communications might be the right course for me. However, it is not the field that my parents are willing to pay for. Both of my parents want me to be like my sisters. They want me to be a lawyer or any licensed white-collar. Up to this day, my views about lawyers remained the same. They are cunts. Maybe because this is how I saw my sister and my brother-in-law, but there was more. Not on the personal note, but I look at them as cunts. Entering medicine, is also an appealing field, but my mediocre intelligence might be overwhelmed. I am 16, a fourth year high school, and is excited about what lies ahead as I will embark to college. I had a lot of expectations as well, blissful expectations like a naïve girl envisioning a happy married life. It was a pity that my sister is no longer around to orient me about the perks and perils of college or help me apply. I never paid attention to my sister's college life, but I was aware it was tough especially that she took Medical Technology for almost 8 years. I also had no friend to talk about my college woes. My friend, Rona Tan, who did not continue high school was more likely to dodge any conversation that includes my personal woes. I couldn't find anyone to confide it since I abandoned my friends. I told my mother that I might not get into college yet until I figure out what I want but she said no. I understood where she is coming from because they are old and ill. My 83 year old father's pension is what sustains my education. Daddy was hospitalized last November in which case, he survived. I believe that even after college, he will live and attend my graduation. Daddy is a strong man, he was an army man and survived death many times. I grew desperate running on Google searches about the courses that I want. I asked my sister who is currently in Doha but she insisted to get a course in science and take up law. At one point, I have decided to stop thinking about it until I graduate from high school. My social life suffered. I saw myself floating into one circle to another, hoping for acceptance, then I was. I found myself to a collection of people who share the same mindset as I have and the group that I always dream having whenever I read Candy Magazine. We discovered and explored art, love, intellect and humor. We held sleepovers during Christmas break and the experience was awesome. What was best was, we talk about what we feel about going to college. The boys in the group aimed for an ambitious one. Engineering and Information Technology was a popular choice. I was a nut for Science-Fiction, but I am afraid my IQ won't agree if I choose a science and math based course. Sometimes, when I watch an Emmerich film, I daydream myself as a badass genius scientist who saves the earth. Or when I watch Grey's Anatomy, I daydream myself to be a miracle Doctor. The list goes on like nuclear physicist or some brainiac who does cool shit. The girls in my group however was diverse. One wanted to enter criminology, the others was the softer and sweeter ones like education, business administration and HRM. When I was asked, I don't what I would say. I said if I couldn't decide then I might choose Mass Communication as my undergrad and sign up for law school. The other guy said that I might want to consider something like industrial arts like fashion design, theater or interior design because he noticed I am a bit stylish and artistic enough. I know I wasn't especially about fashion but I thought why not. I read fashion magazines like Cosmopolitan (yes, even when I was still in primary school),Total Girl, Seventeen and Candy Magazine that might qualify me as a budding fashion designer. Fashion was just something that entertained me during summers when American Top Model and Runway airs on ETC. I did my research again and peeled a page from Candy Magazine recommending different universities and campuses for students of different tastes. Raffles Institute was the one I picked because it was a little bit cheaper than School of Arts and Fashion. Not only that, the campus was located in Bonifacio Global City in Taguig. I once visited BGC and it was quiet and greener like Baguio but a hip city. Think of it as the Los Angeles of California. I showed my mother and father like I was reporting a proposition and they agreed. I sent my application to the institute and have regularly emailed the office in charge and helped me to avail a boarding house. I was terribly excited that I told my new friends about it. That time, I still didn't believe my mother's only superstition in life: NEVER MOUTH YOUR PLANS AND GOALS BECAUSE IT WILL JINX. It was illogical to believe in superstition.

I sit in class everyday but my mind wanders to a reverie. Myself, a fashion and interior design student. That TV show in 2010,  Ruby, played in my mind. She was a fashion design student and was a bit of avant-grade to her clothing choices. I thought of myself like her. "I can wear whatever I want!", my heart shouts. Since I will be in Manila, my social life will resurrect. I want high school to end already. During weekends, if I am not needed by my mother, I will watch American college themed movies. I am very in love with the concept of attending classes with a laptop to take notes like how Elle Woods do it.   Also, being involved with extracurricular activities that gives me a ticket away from a mundane student life. Probably to resuscitate my social life. 

This 2012 is probably a good year. I've been finding myself in friends' houses practicing for our group projects, doing group projects, watching movies and anything at all that don't involve alcohol. It was a healthy and fun relationship with this group I got mixed in. Sometime in myself, I wish it would forever be like this. During these months, I found myself in a limited, congested time of utopia. I always find myself daydreaming, planning, visualizing and off course, more writing. I haven't even considered what my parents feel since their other daughter just left a year prior and now they will see me go to a distant city. A city of possibilities, in which they believe it would do me more bad than good. Then it happened.  I don't know what to feel. Still, my family is still my number one priority, so I guess the decisions I am forced to make is worth it.

The author, Elley Sapling, didn't make it for Raffles Institute because of a Pneumonia and shitty events on the start of 2012 like brother's death and mother's confinement to hospital and bed (2012 was the most awaited year famous to bring an apocalyptic phenomenon, I guess, that was metaphorically in a way, apocalyptic) when enrollment was going on.

Instead, she attended University of the Cordilleras (where her parents met) and picked a course randomly which is unfortunately, BS Psychology. She was welcomed to the world of rationalizing human behaviors and stupid people asking,"Can you read my mind?" Everyday, she wore different kind of ill-matched pieces that provokes a lot of insults. On some days, her outfits are cute that provokes a minute of envy. On rainy days, she secretly wore her pajama as her inner top. She also wore tsinelas before it was not allowed. She didn't experience partying or even beer pong but only occasional drinking sessions. She didn't join extracurricular activities. She was disrespected by her classmates. She finds comfort in a small  3 by 3 feet space in UC that she never felt at home: The Loo. She loves to shit there. She enjoyed sleepovers and movie nights. She built friendships that was founded on the love of adult comic books. She is to graduate this year, hopefully. Elley is satisfied.

Signs you have the Tita Syndrome in your 20's

Tell me in all honesty, do you feel and act like you're not in your own age? Me, too! Not yet? You will soon!1. You throwback way too muchYou miss that one song, that one song that you erased years ago to free your memory card for another Justin Bieber song. You miss a band that existed before you or that band that broke-up when you were young. You dress a yesteryear style because you miss it. You were not even during and before that decade!

2. You throw a scarf or a jacket on your niece who wears skimpy outfits...and is irritated at young girls who wears skimpy outfits.

3. You complain too much about the prices thinking that it was the same price and cheaper way back.

4. You have a big bag that accommodates the needs of humanity.Your friends depends on you if they need a sanitary napkin, an extra hair-tie and a super-glue. You are the statue-sque Girl Scout in the barkada.

5. Your idea of bonding is something relaxing like coffee or spa.The noise from clubbing isn't just your thing anymore nor thus it excites you.

6. You know-it-all. Your friends don't powder their face if they are sweating because you told them it will create wrinkles. In fact, you know little things that most people don't.

7. You are excited shopping for cleaning agents and tissue rolls. Saturday is General Cleaning time.

8.You're too patient to cook and can't wait to brag about a new recipe. Your cook like your friends' mothers. A bonus point if you held a potluck date in your place.

9. You are friends with your friend's parentsTheir parents think you are responsible and can be the second parent for their child.
10. You are irritated with the younger generationUgh. These generation are so hooked with these butt-themed songs, do they know what comes out from them? Darn! These teenagers are so rude and slutty. 

11. You set your friends on dates"You know Macoy is a good guy, he has a Ford and an Engineering student. You look good together since you're dumb with math. I'll give him you're number." 

12. You don't like your friends' boyfriends and is blunt about it"What did you see in Bhoy? He's irresponsible and a bad influence on you." Oh, dear, you sound like a tita. Most of the time, you are right...

13. ...and you become the automatic shoulder-to-cry-on without the built-in sermon (That's the Mother Syndrome in your 20's).